Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
