i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
