just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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