Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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