i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
