just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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