Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
