I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
