I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
