Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
