there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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