I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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