i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
