ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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