You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
