ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
