I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
