If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
