what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
