hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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