Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
