he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
