fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize