Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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