also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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