Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize