Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
if only i could text you this smell
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
