Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
