i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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