I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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