she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
should my penis look like a turkey
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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