Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize