In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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