Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
