we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
