I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
