I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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