eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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