I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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