Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Drake has all the answers
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
