Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
