Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
