"it" just moved
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
