I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize