I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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