then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
