i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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