She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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