One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
