ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
