Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
