i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
