barbara walters just said penis...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
