you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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