So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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