Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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