Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
