If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
