he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
