My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize