if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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