tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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