My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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