She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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