how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Randomize
