Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize