It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
