Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
