we're chasing vodka with high fives
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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