Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
