you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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