Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize