last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
