well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
